Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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