Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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