another moral hangover. fuck.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
