I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
