You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
