my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
