he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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