I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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