What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
its liver damage thursday
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize