im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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