I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
