I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
