She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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