If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
