Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
