WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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