im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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