dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
