i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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