The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize