I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
