You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
