My nipple is on Facebook.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
