dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
