I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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