Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
