he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
