her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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