I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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