you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
In America we eat man semen.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
