"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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