Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
