why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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