i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
