I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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