at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
