I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
