I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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