All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
