Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
