The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
