Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
