i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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