You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize