when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
