I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
