everyone is single if you try hard enough
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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