That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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