Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This girl is more easily done than said...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
