Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
