I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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