She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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