it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Randomize
