Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
