I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
