found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
