When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize