So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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