dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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