Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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