i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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