I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
