her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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