awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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