Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
