YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
