Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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