I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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