I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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