yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
