If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
