i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
wow bdsm is so cute
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
